tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33274342011-07-14T20:39:00.742-04:00A gay odyssey of neurosisFaustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comBlogger8661100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1135207243526093362005-12-21T18:19:00.000-05:002005-12-21T18:20:43.536-05:00

I am no longer here.Instead, I am here.That is to say, this blog has moved to the web site of the guy who has never been seen in the same room as me.No more postings here.See you on the other side.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1135011334100383352005-12-19T11:52:00.000-05:002005-12-19T11:55:49.526-05:00

Everyone who lives in New York and hasn't already seen it should immediately get tickets to Striking 12, a glorious adaptation of Hans Christian Andersen's "The Little Match Girl" by the band Groovelily and Tony-Award-winning bookwriter (and my occasional collaborator) Rachel Sheinkin. The most enjoyable evening I've spent in the theater in a while. It closes this Friday, so don't delay.And yes,

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1134962137308929672005-12-18T22:11:00.000-05:002005-12-19T11:42:03.803-05:00

Except the mortgage fell through, so we're buying this non-HUD-foreclosed house instead:On the one hand, it is not on the site of the former Kings County Penitentiary.On the other hand, it has ceilings.So we're probably coming out ahead in the end.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1134521095545343182005-12-13T19:43:00.000-05:002005-12-13T19:46:29.870-05:00

Actually, according to E.S.'s further researches, our new neighborhood was in all likelihood occupied long ago by the Canarsie Indians.Which means that we may very well be buying a house built on an ancient Indian burial ground.An ancient Indian burial ground and the site of the former Kings County Penitentiary.Talk about an embarrassment of riches.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1134399856389959942005-12-12T09:23:00.000-05:002005-12-12T10:15:23.786-05:00

E.S. called me the other day, breathless with excitement after having spent an evening online researching the neighborhood we'll be moving into. "Guess what used to be where our house is now!" he burst out. "It's the best thing that could possibly have been there.""An ancient Indian burial ground," I said immediately.There was silence on the other end of the line. "No," he said. "I guess it's the

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1134008742726576482005-12-07T21:25:00.000-05:002005-12-07T21:25:42.736-05:00

I think this man is the most brilliant person in the world.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1133843624776795172005-12-05T22:39:00.000-05:002005-12-06T22:07:52.280-05:00

The summer after my sophomore year of college, I spent two months in Berlin studying German at the Goethe Institut. After a few days spent adjusting to the time change and another few days spent having nightmares about things like being abandoned by my father at Auschwitz, I started to settle in nicely and get to know some of the people in my class. One of my closest friends was a woman named

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1133186139735488052005-11-28T08:42:00.000-05:002005-12-13T19:57:11.266-05:00

Last Saturday I taught an aerobics class using a new CD I hadn't listened to ahead of time. Everything was going well, and then a song came on that sounded familiar. As I called out the steps, I thought, wait, can this really be a cover of that song? And shortly thereafter it became clear that yes, this really could be a cover of that song. It was "Without You," originally by Harry Nilsson,

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1132924970424445982005-11-25T08:17:00.000-05:002005-11-25T08:22:50.436-05:00

In the first scene of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, in which Hermione wakes him and Harry up after Harry's nightmare, Ron's shirt was from last summer's H&M collection, and I totally have it.Now if only the rest of the movie had progressed like I wanted it to, and hunky Oliver Wood the former Gryffindor Quidditch captain had come back to visit, having discovered a few things about himself

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1132528784189128582005-11-20T18:11:00.000-05:002005-11-20T18:19:44.203-05:00

Last night E.S. and I went to see Pride and Prejudice, which we loved (E.S. cried three times). Afterwards we had the following conversation:E.S.: And the dialogue was so great!FAUSTUS: Yeah, why don't you ever say things to me like that?E.S.: Like what?FAUSTUS: "You bewitch me, body and soul."(Pause.)E.S.: Okay, let me try. You kind of bewitch me, body and soul.FAUSTUS: What?E.S.: Wait, I forget

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1131934225581131282005-11-13T21:05:00.000-05:002005-11-13T21:11:31.173-05:00

Okay, so let's say you run a new gay television station; let's call it, oh, I don't know, here!. And let's say you decide to put a show called, say, Dante's Cove in your lineup, ostensibly a drama with the supernatural elements of Buffy, the late-teen banter of Dawson's Creek, and the sex scenes of Queer as Folk.I can understand why you'd want the acting to be as wooden as possible; it detracts

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1131721896591577092005-11-11T10:10:00.000-05:002005-11-11T10:11:36.606-05:00

When I was four years old, I wanted to grow my hair long so I could braid it and swat flies with the braid.I didn't really understand a lot about the principles of aerodynamics. Or the principles of hygiene.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1131454461117909472005-11-08T07:54:00.000-05:002005-11-08T07:54:21.130-05:00

Well, that certainly didn't last very long, did it?

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1131328273540202472005-11-06T20:49:00.000-05:002005-11-06T20:51:13.556-05:00

There is so very much wrong with the world, and so many things great and small that I can do nothing about, and even if I could I wouldn't have the faintest idea where to begin, and so much is beyond my control and my comprehension that it's depressing even to contemplate.On the plus side, today I weighed under 140 pounds for the first time in months.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1130992570163481172005-11-02T23:29:00.000-05:002005-11-02T23:36:10.176-05:00

I loathe children, as you all know, but find them much less terrifying on Hallowe'en, when they are dressed as scary monsters, than at other times, when they are dressed as themselves. In joyful anticipation of the arrival of hordes of three-foot-tall devils and Screams and Karl Roves, I bought ten trillion pounds of wrapped chocolate on Monday afternoon.I had one trick-or-treater. He had a lame

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1130716406582754452005-11-01T06:48:00.000-05:002005-11-01T07:29:20.406-05:00

Of course, as some of you have noted, one of the first problems that presented itself after we decided to do this was the fact that, aside from the utter absurdity of the thought of my living in Brooklyn, I would have to change the name of my blog. This prompted the following conversation with E.S.FAUSTUS: Shit. If I'm living in Brooklyn, I have to change the name of my blog.E.S.: Well, you have

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1130298088201900492005-10-30T17:18:00.000-05:002005-10-30T18:19:28.983-05:00

There is a reason posting has been irregular of late.I don't quite know how to say this. It will come as a shock to many, if not most, of you; it has certainly come as a shock to me. I considered trying to ease into the news, but all my efforts in that direction proved futile. So I'm just going to give it to you straight, as it were.Last week, E.S. and I accidentally bought a dilapidated house in

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1130501782924228572005-10-28T08:13:00.000-04:002005-10-28T08:16:22.936-04:00

I am actually really upset that Harriet Miers has withdrawn from the nomination for the Supreme Court.Because it seemed like she wasn't smart enough or possessed of enough true ill will to do us any real damage.And now who are we going to get in her place?I'm scared, folks.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1130296549049094172005-10-25T23:11:00.000-04:002005-10-26T08:02:27.780-04:00

Every once in a while, when I start thinking there's no hope for humanity--this happens about every four seconds--I come across something like Dawn of the Knitted Dead and realize that there might in fact be a glimmer of the thing with feathers somewhere on earth.(Thanks to her for the link.)

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1128821386742978032005-10-24T21:28:00.000-04:002005-10-24T21:23:57.030-04:00

Anybody who hasn't read Barack Obama's essay on the future of the Democratic Party must do so at once.I know who I'm voting for in the 2016 presidential election.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1130070110581938262005-10-23T08:13:00.000-04:002005-10-23T08:21:52.640-04:00

Usually spam email impresses me with its creativity but not particularly with its insight or understanding.Last week, however, I received a spam email with the subject heading "landlord cookie therapist." And I thought, my God, that is exactly what I need. The body of the message turned out to be indecipherable even with considerable mental effort, so eventually I gave up, trusting that no matter

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1129943407029760432005-10-21T21:00:00.000-04:002005-10-21T21:13:28.123-04:00

Today I had a lunch meeting with a producer and a collaborator. This wouldn't have been a problem except that I hadn't been aware it was going to be a lunch meeting rather than a regular meeting, so I had lunch beforehand. Then, when I got to the lunch meeting, in order not to offend the producer by telling her I'd already eaten lunch, I ate lunch again. Then, after I got home, I talked to a good

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1129864274368010532005-10-20T23:09:00.000-04:002005-10-20T23:57:26.283-04:00

Not only that, but I gained four pounds in South Carolina.To be honest, I preferred "Darlin'."

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1129769884879839762005-10-19T20:54:00.000-04:002005-10-19T20:58:04.890-04:00

Thank God we are leaving this place tomorrow. Today I ate alligator, and E.S., after hearing the local accent, has developed a loathsome habit of calling me Darlin'. The fact that this is not a common endearment here is far outweighed in his system of priorities by the fact that it drives me mad. Mad enough, in fact, to eat alligator.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1129589045572476462005-10-17T18:37:00.000-04:002005-10-17T18:44:05.583-04:00

I am in South Carolina, in the city where I grew up. Yesterday, E.S. and I went to the plantation that my great-grandmother owned until she gave it to the state for a park. I dragged E.S. around until we found the tree I used to climb on as a child when we visited her. Unthinking, I clambered up it again, and E.S., knowing such an opportunity was unlikely to present itself to him twice, whipped

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1129294981609080232005-10-14T08:59:00.000-04:002005-10-14T09:03:08.400-04:00

My computer comes back today. Apparently they were able to save most of my data. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the data I need is a proper subset of the data they were able to save. And, in the end, the price was slightly less astronomically high than I expected it would be. Not much, mind you--I still have to scrap my plan to buy a new computer--but at least I'll be able to eat something

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1128698352528787992005-10-07T20:07:00.000-04:002005-10-11T23:10:21.396-04:00

So until Wednesday my new dream in life--new as of three weeks ago--was to appear on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. I would be an absolutely terrible player on this show, you understand; as a team leader I would micromanage my project into oblivion, and as a member of the team I would make terrible entrepreneurial choices while secretly holding everyone else in contempt and disdain for their

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1128475819407718872005-10-04T21:29:00.000-04:002005-10-04T21:30:19.413-04:00

The FedEx plane did not crash. I await DriveSavers' astronomical bill and my data.In the meantime, everyone should go watch a new version of the preview for The Shining.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1128193058091063052005-10-01T14:52:00.000-04:002005-10-01T14:57:38.100-04:00

Thank you all for your good wishes. Before even reading the comments, I decided to go with DriveSavers. I figured any company that rescues data for both MIT and Barbara Mandrell has to be worth going to; then I saw that it's discounting its services for people whose computers were ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, and that clinched it.I do have a Mac, and, for the record, I scorn TekServe, as the one

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1128102175771813342005-09-30T13:34:00.000-04:002005-09-30T13:42:55.780-04:00

Warning: This may be the most unamusing post I've ever written.So does anybody have any experience with WeRecoverData.com? After examining my hard drive, they have just quoted me a price only slightly less astronomical than the other company I spoke with. (Apparently I suffered a level 4 crash. I don't know what this means but evidently it's very bad.) For the sake of convenience I'd just as soon

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1128023744930708902005-09-29T15:53:00.000-04:002005-09-29T15:55:44.936-04:00

My hard drive is still totally in limbo--hence the dearth of postings lately--but I had to duck into a copy shop and pay the exhorbitant computer-use fee to reveal that, after a conversation with my friend A.N., I have the best drag name ever.It's Ann Hedonia.Next time you see me, I'll be singing a concert of break-up songs in a dress made out of a burlap sack.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1127522415459469462005-09-23T20:37:00.000-04:002005-09-23T20:42:10.153-04:00

The good news is that there's a very strong chance I'll be able to recover the data, which represents everything I've written over the last two years.The bad news is that, in order to do so, I have to send my hard drive to San Francisco and pay more than it would cost to get a new computer.It's really enough to make one want to devour a cake made of nothing but chili paste.Blogging may be light

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1127396593585356812005-09-22T09:39:00.000-04:002005-09-22T09:43:13.593-04:00

It would have been okay if my computer had just crashed in a horrible, horrible way, making it unclear whether I'm ever going to recover any of my data, none of which was backed up.It would have been okay if my computer had just crashed in a horrible, horrible way and I'd spent the last four days in a Chicago suburb where people said things like, "oh, it's just two blocks that way" and I started

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126930564678011822005-09-16T11:57:00.000-04:002005-09-17T00:22:30.176-04:00

Tomorrow I am attending a Mexican-themed dinner party to which I have been assigned to bring dessert. Unfortunately, I have no Mexican cookbooks, so I was forced to turn to other sources of inspiration. After scouring the internet for appropriate recipes earlier in the week, I settled on Boca Negra Chocolate Chipotle Cakes with Sweet Tomatillo Sauce and Vanilla Custard Sauce. This would involve

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126876955223021282005-09-15T23:18:00.000-04:002005-09-16T09:32:11.823-04:00

If a) serial killer humor tickles your funny bone, and b) you're not already familiar with Chopping Block ("because serial killers are people too"), go here. (Thanks to him for the link, even if he's no longer blogging.)

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126757110171635582005-09-14T23:55:00.000-04:002005-09-15T06:58:53.016-04:00

When I was applying to colleges during my senior year of high school, one institution I considered was Oberlin, in Ohio; it had a terrific college and an even better conservatory. I planned a visit there during the winter. In South Carolina, the weather is warm and mild almost year round, but even then I knew enough not to expect this to be true in other parts of the country. As I packed,

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126660708153112452005-09-13T21:11:00.000-04:002005-09-14T10:50:32.003-04:00

Here is a conversation I had the other day with E.S.:Faustus: Oh, my God, have you seen Celine Dion's crying plea from Larry King Live?E.S.: No, I haven't.Faustus: It was totally moving. She was so impassioned. She gave a million dollars to relief efforts and then she attacked the administration for its lack of response to Katrina and for the war in Iraq and then she sang a beautiful song. I

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126493125922876822005-09-11T22:40:00.000-04:002005-09-11T22:45:25.926-04:00

Sartre was wrong. Hell is not other people. Hell is looking for an apartment with your boyfriend in New York City.Compared to that, other people are--well, perhaps not a walk in the park, but something much closer to purgatory.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126231955938012962005-09-09T07:08:00.000-04:002005-09-09T07:33:18.286-04:00

Last night was the first night of the musical theater writing class I teach at NYU. All of my clothes were in the hamper, so I had to throw together an outfit at the last minute from whatever I could find; I ended up making very felicitous choices, and I looked really good.After class, I got to E.S.'s apartment and we had the following conversation.E.S.: You're totally the hot professor.Faustus:

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126179380741815402005-09-08T07:35:00.000-04:002005-09-08T07:36:20.750-04:00

Just to be clear: as far as Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka goes, it's not so much the chocolate-making genius to which I relate as the tendency to cringe in fear and discomfort at all human contact.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126149156627573512005-09-07T23:10:00.000-04:002005-09-07T23:15:50.576-04:00

Today this man and I went to see the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I loved it far more than I had imagined possible, because I am Willy Wonka as interpreted by Johnny Depp.At least on the inside I am.Minus, alas, the cheekbones.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1126054023803039062005-09-06T20:37:00.000-04:002005-09-06T21:11:14.453-04:00

Spring semester of my senior year of college, MIT's Noam Chomsky, not only a brilliant political mind but also the father of modern linguistics (my field of study), decided to offer an undergraduate class. He had never done so before and he has never done so again. The class was open to students from other universities, so I decided to try it out. There were a dozen students there every Tuesday

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1125871400947386052005-09-04T17:59:00.000-04:002005-09-04T18:03:20.953-04:00

This morning I actually said to a friend of mine--I still can't quite believe that these words passed my lips--"I'm so depressed that William Rehnquist is dead."I just can't wait to see what horror is visited upon us in his place.Oh, well. At least he suffered.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1125717081934118162005-09-03T08:03:00.000-04:002005-09-03T08:05:57.546-04:00

Okay, I was totally lying. I didn't catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The instant I put the cap on, I actually ran to the mirror to see how I looked.Which was, as I have said, stunningly cute.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1125712612320053342005-09-02T21:54:00.000-04:002005-09-03T08:03:50.066-04:00

Two days ago, I jokingly grabbed E.S.'s baseball cap and put it backwards on my own head. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was stunned by how cute I looked.I have not taken the cap off since then.I feel so old-school.Wait, I don't even know what that means.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1125630437510141792005-09-01T22:58:00.000-04:002005-09-01T23:19:11.976-04:00

E.S.'s birthday is this Sunday, and I have been secretly planning to take him on a picnic. It should be taken as a measure of my dedication to this man that I have intended this picnic to take place in Brooklyn.However, E.S. revealed to me today that his parents are coming into town for his birthday and will be taking us out to their favorite Turkish restaurant. "I wish you'd told me," I said

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1125574107958241172005-08-31T23:24:00.000-04:002005-09-01T10:13:05.650-04:00

Today, in what will certainly be a vain effort to vary my workout routine, I joined PUSH, a service that sends its members workout videos customized to their needs (as expressed in a series of questionnaires on the site). I signed up because one of the people doing the videos is the love of my life, Trainer Bob from The Biggest Loser. The monthly fee seemed quite low, especially in exchange for

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1125447481811889262005-08-30T20:16:00.000-04:002005-08-31T07:45:16.296-04:00

Here is a stained-glass window I made for E.S. at Camp Camp.Clearly I need to quit my day job and go work for Tiffany.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1125368047855723662005-08-29T22:05:00.000-04:002005-08-29T22:14:07.863-04:00

It is I, Faustus. I have returned. I'm glad to see that the person who writes more like me than I do has kept you entertained.I was at Camp Camp, in Middle of Nowhere, Maine. The first day, I was practicing my routine for the aerobics classes I was going to teach, and when I went over to check the steps I had written down, I found some sticky spots on the paper. I racked my brain, trying to

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1124424881166193422005-08-18T23:13:00.000-04:002005-08-19T06:47:34.446-04:00

Okay, folks. I'm off to the wilds of Maine, where I plan to spend all my time indoors doing Pottery and Stained Glass and avoiding moss.Remember: the person blogging in my absence is not me.Or is he?In any case, be kind to him, or you will suffer my wrath upon my return.Unless I will actually have been here, blogging the whole time.You'll never know, will you?

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1124292009017947212005-08-17T21:12:00.000-04:002005-08-17T21:50:02.130-04:00

Actually, it turns out (according to E.S.) that the most effective way to lose weight is to suffer severe burns.Since I never go to the beach as it is, I really have no need for an unscarred back. So I think I'll just find an open flame and lie down in it. E.S. will object if I tell him ahead of time, so I won't say anything about it. Then I'll show up at his apartment, burned and svelte again,

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1124251095628308472005-08-16T23:57:00.000-04:002005-08-16T23:59:36.976-04:00

Dieting would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn't keep going to restaurants that served chocolate cake delicious enough to induce spontaneous orgasm.And before those of you who know me say, oh, no, you look great, let me inform you that I weighed more yesterday morning than I have in three years.I'm considering contracting Ebola, as I hear that's a great way to lose some extra pounds.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1124113166994726752005-08-15T21:32:00.000-04:002005-08-15T23:54:21.260-04:00

It's just as well that E.S. works in a psychiatric ward in a hospital, because he is actually mentally ill himself. Specifically, he has a fixed delusion that he and I are going to raise a child one day. I have done everything short of electroconvulsive therapy to convince him that this is never, ever, ever going to happen, but still he persists in talking about getting an apartment with space

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1123275024625249282005-08-14T16:50:00.000-04:002005-08-14T22:15:57.293-04:00

I'm very, very concerned.Because E.S. and I just watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and for the first time in my life I did not want Ty Pennington to bend me over a carpentry table and ravish me.No matter where this leads, it can't be good.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1123859508119282732005-08-12T10:57:00.000-04:002005-08-12T14:56:58.680-04:00

Last night, E.S. and I watched Hooking Up, a new reality show in the Blind Date mold. The crew follows women as they go on dates with men they've met online. I do not care for the show, as I find the people tend either to humiliate themselves or to be skanky. Last night was no exception; a woman was out with a man she'd had a good first date with, but the second date was going nowhere fast. He

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1123709235093348302005-08-10T17:23:00.000-04:002005-08-10T17:27:15.100-04:00

Not long ago, I attended my first baseball game. The experience was frightening and yet ultimately satisfactory, if only for the mountains of sugar I consumed while I was there.Tonight will mark a first of another kind, when I attend a bachelor party.A heterosexual bachelor party.Apparently, the strip club that is one of the evening's many destinations requires that its patrons wear pants and

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1123564331947412322005-08-09T01:10:00.000-04:002005-08-09T01:12:11.953-04:00

I know it's hoping against hope to believe I live in a universe in which this might be possible, but did anybody record last Monday's episode of The View? And, if so, do you still have it? It's the one with the ex-gay guy on it.If you do, please let me know. In exchange I can tell you the top-secret reason I'm looking for it.Long gone are the days when I could offer free sex, but know at least

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122520420100628732005-08-08T07:13:00.000-04:002005-08-08T07:38:18.650-04:00

Mr. King's experience was typical for people experiencing musical hallucinations. Patients reported hearing a wide variety of songs, among them "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" and "Three Blind Mice." In two-thirds of the cases, the music was religious; six people reporting hearing the hymn "Abide With Me."If I were going to experience a musical hallucination, I just know that it would be "Hakuna

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1123193819984444702005-08-05T16:16:00.000-04:002005-08-05T16:31:34.666-04:00

A man who got angry with his wife because she wanted to cuddle after sex when what he really wanted to do was watch sports on television was sentenced to death for killing her with a claw hammer. . . . "The defendant struck his wife approximately 70 individual blows after spending a happy interlude with her," the judge said. "Her desire to cuddle after sex does not justify the extremely violent,

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1123074252677461632005-08-04T00:02:00.000-04:002005-08-04T00:05:41.903-04:00

A few years ago I was posting about participating in orgies and being filmed in pornographic movies.Now I have shared my thoughts on the latest Harry Potter book for three days in a row.Dear God, I feel old.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1123071308978834882005-08-03T08:02:00.000-04:002005-08-03T08:15:08.986-04:00

Well, I thought Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was quite good.Unfortunately, I somehow managed to obtain a copy with 534 extra pages before the book actually started. I have half a mind to call the publisher and demand a correct version.Oh, wait.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122985320236770632005-08-02T08:10:00.000-04:002005-08-02T08:44:31.400-04:00

A couple nights ago, E.S. and I went out to eat. I had my copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with me, and put it under my chair.About halfway through dinner, I heard a nearby voice say softly, "Excuse me? Excuse me, sir?" I paid it no attention until E.S. said, "Faustus, she's trying to get your attention," and indicated a girl sitting across from us at a table with her mother. The

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122867998798609302005-07-31T23:45:00.000-04:002005-07-31T23:46:38.803-04:00

How is it that I am 200 pages into Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and have found three errors (one grammatical, two spelling) but no actual plot events?

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122764029161719012005-07-30T18:50:00.000-04:002005-07-30T19:20:42.083-04:00

I survived the baseball game.I spent the first hour and a half watching the game out of the corner of my eye while I devoured a hot dog, a huge bag of Cracker Jacks, a cup of frozen lemonade, and an ice cream cone.I spent the next hour and a half knitting a scarf.In between, I held an infant in my lap.The whole afternoon was such a bizarre mix of the familiar and the terrifyingly foreign that I

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122564334391900522005-07-28T11:17:00.000-04:002005-07-28T11:25:34.396-04:00

I do not understand how such a thing could possibly have come to pass, but I am leaving my apartment in 45 minutes to be a spectator at a live baseball game. The New York Yankees are playing at Yankee Stadium. My brother says they are probably playing the Minnesota Twins. I have never seen a live baseball game before and I am very frightened. What if I get hit in the head with a ball and develop

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122506112900681192005-07-27T19:10:00.000-04:002005-07-27T19:15:12.906-04:00

Everyone must go out and buy the latest issue of The Advocate. On page 87 there is a short essay by the man who has never been seen in the same room with me and on page 18 there is a cute photograph of him along with a short bio.I've heard he's extraordinarily self-involved and somewhat prudish, but inexplicably I feel some measure of good will towards him.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122429155506282442005-07-26T21:43:00.000-04:002005-07-26T21:52:35.513-04:00

So finally, after years of putting it off, I have to read Alfred C. Kinsey's Sexual Behavior in the Human Male.Let me tell you, this is, as they say, some good shit."In the total male population, single and married, between adolescence and old age . . . it is not more than 0.3 per cent of the [number of orgasms] which is derived from relations with animals of other species."Now I'm just trying to

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122330996687654082005-07-25T18:32:00.000-04:002005-07-25T18:36:36.693-04:00

It is I, Faustus. I have returned.I was away for two weeks at what I can best describe as an artists' colony; the work my collaborator and I did there went very well.Then I flew to North Carolina for a week-long top-secret mission.I knew I was in North Carolina when, for dinner the first night, I was served chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes, and fruit salad with maraschino cherries and little

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1122207593796375752005-07-24T08:18:00.000-04:002005-07-24T08:20:16.260-04:00

I am endlessly sorry to Faustus and his readers for being so derelict in my duties. Just about all my waking hours for the last few days have been spent in the midst of fellow typography nerds at Typecon, where we all get to let our freak flags fly and rant about the differences between the 7 different versions of Garamond (including Sabon, the pseudo-Garamond) without getting crazy looks. Sadly,

Sparkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031497648064804482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121915321539228352005-07-20T22:41:00.000-04:002005-07-20T23:17:53.200-04:00

Damn Faustus for cursing his guest hosts with a daily obligation! Having a theme, though, does make it easier to follow his draconian orders. In fact, I should consider subjecting myself to similar rules on either of my other blogs — I could be much more prolific that way. Anyway...See the eight-year-oldKnitting mittens on the bus.Does his mother know?I don't really like kids that much, but there

Sparkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031497648064804482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121831192356936312005-07-19T23:46:00.000-04:002005-07-19T23:50:49.603-04:00

Yikes, this has to be a quick one so I can sneak in under the wire before midnight. Faustus ordered us to post at least once a day while he was gone, and that last one doesn't really count. So on to the haiku:Sitting at the bar,My soul filled with deep longingAnd deeper terror.I am that goody two shoes that Adam Ant sang about. I don't drink. I don't smoke. On top of that I don't do any drugs,

Sparkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031497648064804482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121784078973814222005-07-19T10:40:00.000-04:002005-07-19T10:41:18.980-04:00

While I have your attention, it behooves me to urge all of you to come check out the fun at a little event here in New York tonight:The WYSIWYG Talent Show presentsGREETINGS FROM LAKE WYSIWYG(Summer Camp Stories)Tuesday, July 19, at 7:30 p.m. at P.S. 122150 1st Ave. at East 9th St. Tickets are $7 — call the P.S. 122 box office at 212-477-5288 or click here to purchase advance ticketsFeaturing:

Sparkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031497648064804482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121742411304462552005-07-18T23:05:00.000-04:002005-07-18T23:06:51.360-04:00

This is Sparky, your nurse practitioner in the doctor's absence:I know you think ILike it when you slap my ass.You are mistaken.Have you ever been fooling around with someone and suddenly realized that you weren't much more than an elaborate masturbatory aid? Like you were just one of the accessories of his scene? It's such a disappointing moment. It's awkward to go through those sexual

Sparkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031497648064804482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121651714952082862005-07-17T21:55:00.000-04:002005-07-17T22:00:02.436-04:00

This is Sparky, filling in for Faustus and working that gimmick:It's Dorian GrayIn reverse: you aged and yetYour photo stayed youngIt's happened to most of us at one point or another, especially those of us who've chosen to embrace our inner slut during the Internet Age. We see a suggestive pseudonym, a few compelling statistics, perhaps a blurb of some kind or another, and a photo. (I hope you

Sparkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031497648064804482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121643823071300492005-07-17T19:27:00.000-04:002005-07-17T19:47:24.546-04:00

Greetings, kids, this is Sparky, assuming control of the Faustus, M.D., Clinic for Neurotic Bloggers for the remainder of the good doctor's absence. When we authors ad interim were given our assignments we were instructed in no uncertain terms to produce at least one substantial post a day during each of our stints. That's a nice idea, but when you've been at this game as long as I have, that

Sparkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031497648064804482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121520139229827412005-07-16T09:13:00.000-04:002005-07-16T09:52:05.290-04:00

Here, in place of the Doc one final time, I find I can no longer manage plurality -- being in company -- or even, for that matter, being. I carry on, naturally -- what would I do except that? -- but with nothing left to it other than to be alone. Alone and, well, virtual. Look, I'm not even here.A terrible condition to be in, no doubt about it; that of unmitigated individuality, egocentric

matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17613815121791429722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121457944807357632005-07-15T15:57:00.000-04:002005-07-15T16:10:55.703-04:00

Our love-seeker is elsewhere, for a spell. I, Matt, am a temporary host while he's away, to be vaguely glimpsed from time to time hereabouts, despite my camouflage of tortured prosody, before the duty roster rotates to its third victim.So, it's Friday. It's a day for gratitude to deities or to sexual acts, for fish or calls to prayer. It's Freya's festival, or Frigga's, or Aphrodite's. It's

matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17613815121791429722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121361525154027072005-07-14T13:08:00.000-04:002005-07-14T13:20:16.463-04:00

He's away. He'll be back. Meanwhile, in some hidden, sun-dappled glade of his blog, you chance upon me. You lucky, lucky people.Carefree, smiling, dancing on sunbeams, we look around his garden and feel joy. Where should we wander, here, amid so many lovely leaves and flowers? Hearing a breeze ruffle blades of grass, seeing richly laden branches wave forward and back, we sigh in wonder; can we

matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17613815121791429722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121295533059838872005-07-13T18:43:00.000-04:002005-07-13T20:54:40.230-04:00

Okay, folks. Faustus here, dropping in momentarily from the wilds of Connecticut to ask that you refrain from criticizing my guest bloggers. You're welcome to be as mean to me in this space as you like, but people I have invited into my electronic home are a different story. If you don't enjoy what the Guest Bloggers I Wish I Could Sleep With write (I myself thought Lauren's posts were hysterical

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121282302885308372005-07-13T15:13:00.000-04:002005-07-13T15:18:22.893-04:00

A little moment of respite, here, in my ongoing fort-holding efforts for the itinerant Mephistophelian medico. Today's escapee is, if only I steer clear of the second person and the letter Q, somewhat less of a challenge than its esteemed predecessors, or indeed the consonants to come. Not really a proper lipogram, this is more of an intermission; which is only reasonable in the context of eight

matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17613815121791429722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121208556007186972005-07-12T18:21:00.000-04:002005-07-12T19:04:59.580-04:00

Dr F isn't in; hence my recurring presence as substitute. Never fear, he'll be back. Betweentimes, a third guest is scheduled, starting at the weekend; Sunday, I believe. My presence here is transience itself -- ephemera, pure and simple. I'm just a fleeting shade; but aren't we all?Need I identify this entry's absent friend, Faustus aside? Hardly. It is, indeed, utterly predictable, as Pascale

matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17613815121791429722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121102851338635182005-07-11T13:19:00.000-04:002005-07-11T13:27:31.346-04:00

Everyone's fave pseudonymous M.D. sends regrets; has stuff to do elsewhere. Before he returns you've got, on second watch, to keep you busy, me. A sorry surrogate, confessedly. A patsy. A scapegoat. Back for more, Matt? Golly, some people are such gluttons for... oh, whatever.You know the story by now, surely? Random banter coloured by some melancholy absence, an unspoken sorrow, the tug of a

matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17613815121791429722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1121012404657205692005-07-10T11:52:00.000-04:002005-07-10T12:20:04.693-04:00

Faustus is away, still, and not coming back for many days. Without him, this blog wants a custodian, and such am I. A stand-in. A visitor. Was just passing through, thought I'd add a word or two. You know how it is.And so, my introduction. I said I would, didn't I? I'm Matt, aight? Say hullo, Matt."Hullo, Matt."Hilarious.Matt, that is, of clan Walky Talky, just so you know which. Don't want any

matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17613815121791429722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120942497692081712005-07-09T16:46:00.000-04:002005-07-09T16:54:57.700-04:00

The good Doctor's gone to ground; you must know this by now. I'm merely guesting. The understudy. For this short period, while he knuckles down to the difficult business of composing music -- or does he just wish you to think so? Is he in truth toiling deep undercover to fight crime? Picture him, if you will, in the full Sydney Bristow outfit, complete with lurid crimson fright wig. It seems too

matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17613815121791429722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120866305873475462005-07-08T19:07:00.000-04:002005-07-08T19:45:05.903-04:00

Still Still still still - actually, I thought I would be Faustus by now. This entire week, I have been waiting for our identities to merge. I'm not at all sure why they haven't. I'm still not Faustus. I was going to write something really funny, but then I spent two hours reading news websites instead and now I just want to slowly bludgeon someone to death or alternately get really drunk. Someone

Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13649544907193222316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120706595337874502005-07-06T21:48:00.000-04:002005-07-06T23:30:44.010-04:00

Still Still Still not Faustus.This (via) is the strangest thing I have seen in a while, and so I have to link to it. Because. Video Game Sweatshops. He lives in the Fujian province of China, but his place of business is online—he plays Lineage II. He's paid about 56 cents an hour to work in a videogame "sweatshop." If the term sounds familiar, it's because of Lee Caldwell. The notorious MMORPG

Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13649544907193222316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120621719786327472005-07-05T23:36:00.000-04:002005-07-05T23:48:39.800-04:00

Still Still Not Faustus.Once a phone conversation includes the phrase "Oh! Her! No, I know who you mean, I think she shares a mutual LJ friend with my freshman roommate's best friend's ex-girlfriend," there is really no place left for the conversation to go.

Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13649544907193222316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120497517976900582005-07-04T12:08:00.000-04:002005-07-04T13:18:38.023-04:00

Still not Faustus. This is the first time in some years that I've gotten the 4th of July as a holiday. Am not used to this. Am used to working various Manhattan foodservice jobs where one not only works on July 4th, one works an 11-hour shift with a half-hour break and gets paid in cash. Specifically, am used to working at places with customers who ask you earnestly, over and over again, is that

Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13649544907193222316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120407302999838942005-07-03T11:36:00.000-04:002005-07-03T12:15:03.016-04:00

Still not Faustus....okay, so now we know why one should never try to post to someone else's blog while a different person is ranting to them about Batman smut over instant messenger. Which is also not 19th century, and therefore tragic.I read through the Drama-Generating Techniques section on the Encyclopedia Dramatica looking for ways to further mess with this blog, but got distracted by making

Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13649544907193222316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120360938392929752005-07-02T21:35:00.000-04:002005-07-02T23:24:03.553-04:00

This is not Faustus, this is Lauren. Twenty increasingly drunk psychiatrists singing the song from Titanic is much less frightening than one sober psychiatrist deciding that applying leeches to the vulva is a good way to cure female nymphomania. (See also: "Dr. Wigan puts the matter in a way that may seem more extravagant than it really is when he says: I firmly believe that I have more than once

Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13649544907193222316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120187022658598932005-07-01T01:29:00.000-04:002005-07-01T10:49:03.016-04:00

N.B.: This is my second post today.Surely there are things more likely to make you doubt the existence of a rational universe than spending an evening in a private room in a Japanese restaurant cum karaoke bar with twenty increasingly drunk psychiatrists singing the song from Titanic. But I can't think of any of them at the moment.In other news, I am leaving town tomorrow for three weeks. I will

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1120196210860317772005-07-01T01:16:00.000-04:002005-07-01T01:40:11.723-04:00

Can anybody help me figure out how to restore the lovely font I used to have in these blog posts? It's still there in the archives, but the main page seems to have mutinied. I am a computer mongoloid but still a look at the template indicates that nothing should be out of order--that is to say, the style section contains this:p { font-family: georgia, verdana, arial; font-size:12px; color:#666666

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1119934259239103702005-06-30T12:50:00.000-04:002005-06-30T16:21:54.473-04:00

I don't understand my fascination with Tom Cruise and his slow but certain decline into madness.Those of you who share this inexplicable obsession would do well to take a look at Tom Cruise Kills Oprah. You have to have the sound on to get the full effect. It's safe for work, at least as far as thinking about such disturbing matters is safe for work.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1119910118507953792005-06-28T00:06:00.000-04:002005-06-28T00:17:39.106-04:00

I love the Reverend Brendan Powell Smith. I love him because I love his creation, The Brick Testament, a pictorial Bible done with Legos.Here, for example, is a scene from the story of Sodom and Gomorrah:Tell me: how could anyone not pant for the author of such a work?

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1119880533524591152005-06-27T09:49:00.000-04:002005-06-27T09:55:33.546-04:00

A while ago there was apparently an article in The New Yorker about a new book called Popstrology, which describes itself as "a revolutionary method for gaining self-knowledge by examining the alignment of the pop music charts at the moment of your birth."My brother told me about this when it came out, and naturally I pooh-poohed it; if I had any more self-knowledge I would explode.But then I

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1119672233963559042005-06-24T23:55:00.000-04:002005-06-25T00:04:26.960-04:00

Sometimes I think that getting to live the life of a vagabond artist, making my way by my wits and leaving so much to fate and everything else to luck and also having to pay for my own health insurance, is the most wonderful thing in the world.And then sometimes it just so totally sucks.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1119541916989936222005-06-23T11:36:00.000-04:002005-06-23T12:29:16.546-04:00

Two orders of business today.First, if you live in New York and you're looking for something to do tonight, tomorrow night, or Saturday, let me highly recommend this show, produced by a friend of mine:I saw it last night and it was the most enjoyable evening I'd spent in the theater in a long while.And can that girl dance!Second, I am so making myself these Rainbow Hotpants and teaching step

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1119442311334415302005-06-22T07:57:00.000-04:002005-06-22T08:29:02.043-04:00

Can anybody help me?Actually, let me rephrase that question so that it's a touch less broad and the answer is less obviously "no."What I mean is: the posts between June 13 and June 20 inexplicably show up as being written by "Faustus," with no "MD" after his name. The horror of having people think that I think it's appropriate to have a moniker that ends in a comma is really too great to bear and

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1119323094432429962005-06-20T19:22:00.000-04:002005-06-20T23:05:08.676-04:00

While out walking my dog this evening, I passed by a corner box that held Gay City News, a "weekly newspaper serving gay, lesbian, bi & transgendered New York City."Someone had written the following request on the top of the box: "GOOD PLEASE NO GAYS + LESVIANES." Elsewhere the same person had written, "GOOD LOVES YOU," and elsewhere still, "ONLY MEN & WOMAN."Really all this did, other than

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3327434.post-1119233830868734042005-06-19T22:12:00.000-04:002005-06-20T00:11:17.926-04:00

Everyone should come see this Tuesday's WYSIWYG Talent Show at P.S. 122. There may be a few tickets left if you call 212-477-5288.I'll be singing a song, reading some haiku, and also reading something from what I hope will turn out to be my second book.Or perhaps I'll just show up drunk and cry.Either way it should be entertaining.

Faustus, MDnoreply@blogger.com